


Florence's Birthday

by thedark_before_thedawn



Category: Florence + the Machine
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 12:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20657129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedark_before_thedawn/pseuds/thedark_before_thedawn
Summary: Isa is nervous about Florence's birthday after a strained couple of years for them.





	Florence's Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> I saw Florence's birthday pictures and a small idea popped into my head...then out came over 7000 words.

It was one week until Florence’s birthday and Isa had mixed feelings. She wanted to see her happy. She wanted to shower her with gifts and affection as she had done nearly every birthday since meeting her. But this year had also happened. In fact, this “era” had happened.

It started with the goodbye they’d shared after the last How Big, How Blue show. It was…well, it was weird. It was a smaller goodbye than they’d shared for smaller occasions, and Isa could feel what was happening as soon as they pulled up outside Florence’s house. Isa had offered Florence a lift home from the airport, knowing travel anxiety from today would already have her at her human interaction limit for the day. The end of every other tour didn’t really feel like the end of anything; it would bleed into the next project as they’d immediately be back recording demos together and goofing around. It never felt like the end of anything because whatever project they’d just released was Florence + the Machine; it was the two of them and the two of them were a constant. This was different.

Isa always found it funny that Florence had admitted to “only being a lesbian in Paris”. It was part truth thinking of that particular night. But really, she could have been more truthful and said “I’m only a lesbian on the road, and cold studios…basically just with Isa”. Being on the road together was like being in their own world where they had their own unspoken rules. The most important rule was to always share a bed. Isa knew that what had started as innocent comfort spooning had led into a less innocent form of comfort that could be pretty sinful. The only problem was it was never discussed. It was never awkward after any of their late night or early morning encounters but they just moved on from it like any other need she had just satisfied. Isa saw herself as Florence’s creative partner, producer and on the road wife. And what had once come to her as nothing more than an amusing thought, now plagued her into despair.

When they’d gotten out of Isa’s car to pull out the luggage and hug each other goodbye, it lasted all of 20 seconds. Florence had just exposed her soul night after night tearing everything down in front of thousands of people; she was now retreating. Isa could understand what she’d just been through on tour so didn’t think much of the rushed goodbye until the message alert sound she had set up specifically for Florence’s incoming contact hadn’t chimed for two weeks. She didn’t want to be pushy knowing she’d be feeling near broken after the tour, but something wasn’t right. She’d had sneaking suspicions there was something going on under the surface since New York. Florence skillfully changed the subject whenever Isa tried to ask her what she got up to when they went on their own separate adventures in the city for the day. Isa had found her friend DJ’ing a basement party with no signal and got lost in the lights and people and noise. The basement had no signal and with everyone smoking inside, there was no reason for her to pop outside and no way Isa could’ve seen Florence’s texts or missed calls that hadn’t even rung. The cryptic messages were too weird for Isa’s blurry vision to decipher and the alcohol had wiped the memory of receiving them once she headed back.

Florence had without a conversation with Isa, decided to write and produce this album mostly by herself; on occasion working with one other person. Florence hadn’t shared much with Isa during the creation of the album. She excused it as “nothing being set in stone yet” but really she was just fucking terrified. She hadn’t even brought herself to showing Isa the songs in person, opting to text her a link to the files.

Isa had been lying on her bed staring at the ceiling when her phone came alive with the sound she’d been longing to hear; a text from Florence.

_Flo: I think it might be done…? Here’s the new sad bops. I’m always down to hide with you. Xx_

Isa stared at her phone frowning for a second. “I’m always down to hide with you.” She read it and re-read it for a minute, growing more confused each time. She decided to not read into it right now. She connected her phone to some speakers and decided to just try to clear her mind and listen to this album open-minded and _not_ trying to read into whether Florence was talking about Isa on certain tracks.

This lasted all of 30 seconds.

June. She knew exactly what this was. A revelation; some kind of epiphany Florence must have recently had about them. She didn’t want to seem full of herself, but she knew this song was about her, no, it was for her. She cried calmly and quietly, letting it not take over her but hearing the context of “I’m always down to hide with you” really fucked her up. She knew what Florence meant. This wasn’t just Florence saying she always wants to hide away in hotels with her. This was her saying she would hide a part of herself, and a part of Isa, from the world forever if she needed to so they could be themselves in peace, away from scrutiny. Florence would rather they kept whatever relationship they were in or had had or were having secret if Isa wanted to, than ruin anything. Florence was anxious about being outed and what could come with that, but what had been more obvious to her over time was just how terrified Isa was too.

Hunger had been another punch in the gut. After it ended she felt there was some optimism and beauty in there that came from such a dark place, but it was hard. She’d been the only one Florence spoke to about her eating disorder and at first Isa felt hurt she didn’t want to make the track with her. Rationally, Isa knew that this album was clearly something Florence really needed to be alone for, to work out some really complex things; but she wished she could’ve helped. She would have made tea all day for Florence if that’s all she needed her to do. She just missed being there for her.

Isa sat and listened song after song. She took a few minutes between each one to let them sink in and think, compose herself and take a deep breathe ready for the next song.

Nothing could have prepared her for The End of Love.

It had started with the feeling of sombre vague humour Isa knew too well. Then the second verse happened.

_In a moment of joy and fury_

_I threw myself from the balcony_

_Like my grandmother so many years before me_

She had to stop it. She felt sick. Her head span and she feared she was going to hyperventilate.

She didn’t know what she was doing, only aware that her body was moving while her brain had blacked out. She had no recollection of how she got there, but she found herself pounding on Florence’s front door. She was let inside and without a word they moved onto Florence’s sofa, draping herself over Florence’s long limbs as the two held each other and let silent tears pool down their cheeks.

They never had discussed what Isa thought of the album since, not in any real deep capacity. Florence had feared it would open up too many wounds and questions for Isa. They had somehow managed to do every performance bar the last few ones in Greece without it being brought up. Now, they had become closer once again but not like before still. Isa just wished Florence would talk about what happened on that balcony.

With one week to Florence’s birthday, Isa thought she should probably find out what Florence would like. Not a material gift per say but for a while now they’d slipped into a habit for her birthday where Isa would buy her the gifts she already knew she would love, and Florence would get to ask for one other thing she wanted. One extravagant or wild gift, trip or request; whatever she wanted.

She’d decided to send Florence a text instead of ringing her, knowing it would be easiest to get a truthful response if Flo didn’t have to say it out loud to her.

_Isa: Any can’t-live-without requests for you birthday this year, lovely?Xx_

She hadn’t expected to get a reply back for at least a day but Florence instantly replied.

_Flo: To be in Lungs with you again._

The little emoji with three stars to them signified glitter. Lots and lots of glitter; and that she could do. Isa didn’t know what to make of the actual request though. All she could think was that maybe Florence wanted to have a rage, sobriety perhaps boring her. Isa didn’t have time to reply before another text shot through.

_Flo:_ _Gracie has (obvs) planned something that she won’t tell me about. All I know is to be ready at 6pm when she’ll text me where to be…please be my date for whatever this could entail? Xx_

Isa wanted to cry. This album cycle had been too hard, like they were strangers just getting to know each other again. There had been a few moments where they had held each other’s hands during their warm up of June back stage and they knew they still loved each other…but that was as deep as they’d allowed themselves to get. Now here she was asking Isa to be her date like things were light and airy between them. She wanted to cry because despite the small dark void within her that told her all the negatives and the doubts, she also felt a small part of herself give out a wave of relief. This could be typical Florence acting like nothing had happened between them, but it could also be a truce that might follow with some form of explanation. Isa had found the key to keeping sane around Florence sometimes, was to lose all expectation. Florence had laughed at things that should have sent her spiralling, and spiralled into despair at something as small as losing her keys momentarily. Not reading into anything had been Isa’s form of meditation to keep it together for the last year or so.

Isa let out a deep, slow breath and typed a response ignoring all her urges to delete and re-type it twenty times.

_Isa: I would be honoured. Your ride will be waiting. Xx_

She thought it best not to bring up the Lungs request. She knew Florence might be regretting having sent it and to be honest, Florence never made much sense texting at the best of times. This was best left for a face to face conversation.

Isa spent the rest of the week waiting. She’d moved back to London, to her Grandmother’s house in Highgate. She’d been given the top floor to takeover. She could still go back to LA if she wanted to but it just didn’t feel right at the moment. Something inside her made her feel that she needed to be here; at least for a while.

Normally she’d be going and spending time with her friends she’d been a stranger to and family. She knew she was ignoring them and giving lame excuses when they asked her to meet up but she didn’t know why. She needed some peace but she couldn’t figure out the obvious reasons why.

Despite the peace of the house, the storm within her was slowly building. By Tuesday morning she felt too nauseous to get out of bed. She let herself lay in until a shameful 3pm only rising to go to the toilet and treat herself to a joint. She didn’t smoke as much these days but she thought it might dampen the nausea. It did. It also made her hungry though and she sighed knowing she _had_ to eat but she really could not be bothered. She opted to order Japanese food than spend any more time doing things. She could’ve used the distraction but it was too much effort. She slowly wrapped her presents for Florence and wrote her card. She could’ve filled it with paragraphs on what she means to Isa and how grateful she is to still know this majestic creature, but she didn’t. Instead she opted for: To my Florence, Happy birthday my love. I love you more every year. Love your Dream Machine.

Perfect. It was short enough to look like she didn’t care too much but each word was slaved over for specific reasons.

She put the small pile on the coffee table and slumped in front of the TV watching Euphoria (Flo’s recommendation) and slowly grazing on her food.

Letting down her guard for overthinking, she couldn’t help feel that Florence recommending this show to her was deeper than “I think you’ll like it”. She couldn’t help feel that maybe Florence was hinting that much like Rue and Jules, they should really start communicating truthfully.

She let herself sink further into the small sofa and at some point fell asleep. She awoke to a verbal fight just down the road but couldn’t be bothered to peer out at the drama. Instead she looked at her phone seeing it was six thirty in the morning and then seeing the date. She exhaled. It’s the day. She allowed ten seconds of anxiety to swarm in before shaking her head and she stood up a shuffled to the kitchen. She made herself an extra strong cup of coffee before heading to shower and get ready without knowing what exactly she was getting ready for this early in the day.

She wrapped a towel around herself after the shower and walked back through to grab her phone as she headed to her bedroom. She dialled 1 on speed dial (yes, she still used that) and put it on speaker as stared to dry her hair off a bit with her towel.

“Morning.” She heard a sleepy voice, trailing each syllable.

“Oh no, I haven’t woken you up this early on your birthday have I?!” She panicked.

She heard the loud hearty laugh she loved so much and smiled. “No, no I’ve been awake for a little bit.”

“Good.” She said, smiling to herself. She let a moment of silence lay over them before she spoke again. “Well, happy birthday lovely. Tell me, is it hard to keep all the grey hairs ginger these days?”

Florence audibly gasped. “This kind of verbal abuse, _this_ early on _my_ birthday? I’m shocked. Shocked and hurt.” She said trying to keep up the façade but Isa could hear her smile.

Isa chuckled, feeling more at peace with the idea of seeing Florence today. “What are your plans today, Grandma?”

“I’m just going to brush over that for your sake,” she began, “but to be honest, not much. I’m going out for breakfast with Grace and Bonnie before they go to the zoo.”

“Not feeling the zoo today?” She asked, moving from drying her hair to the rest of her body and finding some underwear.

“Not after our last trip there.”

Isa remembered that trip. They’d double dropped and thought the zoo would be fun to experience on acid. Turns out it was terrifying. It was so terrifying that Isa still felt uncomfortable being around more than one species of animal at a time.

“Well,” she began, dragging it out, “why don’t I come over afterwards?”

“Yes please.” She sang out. “Can we paint? I’m in a painting mood.”

“As you wish. Let me know when to come over for squeezes.”

“Of course, I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“See you later, Flo.” Isa hung up smiling. She was glad she rung and didn’t put it off as a part of her had wanted to. She felt a lot easier about their day together.

She got ready, taking Florence’s gifts and her outfit for this evening to her car. Walking back up to her room she decided to pack a small bag for overnight at Flo’s; just in case. She didn’t want to presume she’d stay. It had been a long time since they shared a bed when it wasn’t necessary i.e. lonely and anxious on tour. They’d managed to share and be silly on the High as Hope tour but it was few and far between compared to every other time. They didn’t allow themselves to get deep.

She pulled herself out of her anxiety reasoning that a single Florence would not want to go to sleep alone on her birthday. Isa was tasked, by herself, with keeping Florence happy today. She knew how and she wasn’t going to bring up anything awkward or difficult as long as she could help it.

At midday her phone buzzed.

_Flo: Get on over here. Xx_

She smiled at the screen and shot back with a few emoji’s to show she was doing just that and grabbed the last of her things to head out the door.

Driving through London was something Isa had really truly hated. Having lived in LA for a while now, it really didn’t seem so bad. She put on the radio quietly not wanting to really have to think about choosing music herself when everything she loved held a lot of memories that always circled back to Florence.

As she drove the last few minutes through south London, a very overly familiar sound of a harp filled her car.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” She said to herself, stopping at another red light and staring at her radio. “Really?!” She sighed and had the urge to turn it off but she couldn’t bring herself to. Instead of wallowing in past memories she decided to turn the volume up higher and try to feel something positive.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take long. By the time the chorus started she had turned it up louder almost to a dangerous level and was banging her steering wheel in time to the simple and quite frankly iconic beat of Dog Days Are Over. She reached Florence’s before the song had ended and decided to sit in front of the house listening to the rest of it with her window down and lose herself.

Florence had been tidying away notebooks and a handful of various scraps of paper with her thoughts scribbled out on them when she heard it. At first she panicked that someone had found out where she lived and decided to be weird and play her music outside her house on her birthday. That was until she could hear a familiar voice. It was one that didn’t like to sing publically normally but was somehow unashamedly belting out the lyrics she’d written.

She threw the paper onto her messy writing desk and ran out of her house to a comical site in front of it. Isa was head banging and passionately singing Dog Days as load as it was playing. She clocked Florence as the song ended and they both erupted in a fit of laughter.

Florence crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, leaning against the wall at the front of her house. “It’s like you haven’t played it literally thousands of times.” Florence laughed.

Isa beamed as she stepped out of her car. Florence was standing in front of her, radiant. Her hair was longer and slightly messier and she was wearing silk pyjama shorts matching a thin vest and a short kimono flowing gently in the breeze around her.

“Flo, I love that you’re becoming more care free with age but you didn’t wear your pyjamas out to breakfast did you?” She questioned as she took out her things from the car.

Florence laughed and rolled her eyes. “I changed when I got back; it’s too hot for clothes.” She saw Isa’s eyebrow rise. “Too hot for proper clothes. Get your mind out of the gutter.” She quipped as she reached to help Isa with her things.

“Ah ah ah.” She pulled them out of reach. “I’m here to wait on your every ridiculous whim today.” She gestured for Florence to lead the way inside and she followed behind…perhaps letting her eyes drift downwards a little as Flo walked ahead.

Isa gave Florence her gifts and made her lunch. They bitched about the awful white boys on Euphoria agreeing that it was like re-watching many of their early years raging nights. They painted for a while and exchanged their secret pictures afterwards, each knowing it would be cherished forever. Isa helped Florence pick out what she was going to wear tonight, Florence insisting that it somewhat matches Isa’s outfit. She couldn’t find something that really matched and instead of the possible tears that Isa thought might come; she saw her light up with an idea.

“I think I know just the thing.” She said with a smirk, tapping Isa’s nose before heading to bathe quickly. The water had barely run before she was already shouting down the stairs to Isa again. After some unintelligible shouting, she laughed and yelled “Just come here”.

She stripped off and sunk down into the water as Isa sat down on the lid of the toilet.

“How was Bonnie this morning?” She asked, realising she hadn’t actually asked about her morning yet.

Florence got that look on her face that showed Isa her heart might burst. “She’s just so precious.” She said, sounding like she might cry. “It’s actually quite nice sharing the birthday. I never really liked all the family attention anyway. I mean, I was kind of left to do whatever I wanted as a kid so all the sudden focused attention on one day of the year just seemed…” She searched Isa’s eyes trying to find her right words.

“Uncomfortable?” Isa offered up.

She nodded before tipping her head back into the water to wash out the bubbles. “Yeah, uncomfortable and almost fake?” She said like a question. “Not that I wasn’t loved but if they could pay that much attention to me on that one day of the year…like, it just seemed a bit forced or like why couldn’t they have just spread all that attention out. There’s nothing all year and then everything on one day. It was just a lot.”

Isa didn’t interject, letting Florence get it all out. She also understood what she was trying to express deeply. She’d never understood why her parents weren’t completely enthralled by this incredible person they had made. She was loved no doubt about it, but it wouldn’t have hurt for her to have been told that and shown that more.

They continued chatting about Bonnie and reminiscing about that god awful zoo trip as Florence washed herself and climbed out of the bath. Isa felt mildly uncomfortable for a second with Florence naked in front of her.

“No practically naked birthday snaps of me online this year please.” She said, finally reaching for her towel.

Isa just smiled and shook her head. She followed her downstairs into her room of clothes where she sat down to get ready. A comfortable silence filled the room as they both got changed and sat side by side to do there make up. After a while, Florence turned to Isa next to her.

“Do you trust me?” She asked with a hint of mischief on her face.

Isa narrowed her eyes. That was kind of a loaded question at this point but decided against opening up wounds. “Of course.” She said, a smile creeping up on her.

“Wonderful.” Florence beamed. She opened a draw and pulled out a small shiny pot.

It was glitter.

The text Florence had sent Isa the previous week ran through her mind.

_To be in Lungs with you again._

Isa’s smile grew as she turned to let Florence do with her what she wanted. Isa expected Florence to pretty much throw it all over her face like the old days; she had other plans.

She grabbed a small brush and started to outline with glitter something under Isa’s eyes.

Feeling brave for a moment she decided she would maybe try to broach what had happened between them.

“So, is this what you meant about being back in Lungs with me?”

Florence let her eyes briefly meet Isa’s and chewed her cheek. “Sort of.” She said, not letting the rest of what she wanted to say follow.

Isa didn’t reply knowing sometimes Florence would continue if you allowed her some quiet. Her mind was always racing with a thousand thoughts and she sometimes just needed a moment of peace to put them together.

“To be honest, it was a typo. But then I read it back and it still seemed to make sense for what I was trying to say.” She was concentrating hard on not looking at Isa other than the exact areas she was covering with glitter.

“And what was it you were trying to say?” Isa pressed.

Florence finally looked back into her eyes, searching for her words.

“To be back in love with you. Well, not that I ever fell out of it but for us to actually act like we were again. It was kind of cruel of my phone to autocorrect ‘love’ to ‘lungs’, like it was that long since I’d typed it into it that it didn’t recognise it.” She put the brush down to admire what she’d done so far. “Then I realised, maybe it actually made more sense. I wanted to be how we were during Lungs.” Florence looked expectantly at Isa waiting for something to come out.

“In love with me?” Was all Isa could manage.

“Isa, I’ve always loved you. You’ve heard the End of Love…I thought you knew?” Florence’s face softened whilst Isa’s tensed at the mention of that song. They hadn’t spoken about it. Maybe now was the time.

Isa put her hand gently on Florence’s. “I didn’t know about anything on that song. The first time I listened to it, I didn’t listen to the end of it and I kind of trained myself into blocking out hearing your lyrics live.” Isa tried to steady her shaky feelings. “It hurts too much.” She took a deep breath and finally asked what she’d been wanting and not wanting to know. “Just tell me about that night, please?”

Florence nodded. She was in a much better place now and felt for once that she wasn’t going to drown in the wave of emotions that used to come from thinking and eventually talking and singing about that night.

“Grace called me with the news about Dad’s accident. Asif that wasn’t bad enough, she and three other family members thought I’d like to know what a disappointment I can still be to them and that I didn’t care. They went on and on about things that I’ve already been through with them before. But I guess some people who claim to understand mental health are done with it when it inconveniences them and how they think you should act.” Flo gave a little shrug and Isa kept eye contact, urging her to go on.

“I’d been talking during press for the third album about being okay being on your own. I went on and on about how basically a relationship won’t work if you’re just putting all the responsibility of your happiness on the person you love.” She put her finger into the glitter needing the distraction to keep going, and gently brushed in under Isa’s eyes. “I realised that I was still doing it though. I’d been doing it with you. You were my rock on tour, still are and I think I just got lost in a spiral of self-hatred feeling like a liar. I wanted you with me that night and I knew that I shouldn’t or I should at least be okay to have a night away from you. I know now I was just depressed, it was bad timing with family news and that was something else for me to latch on to for the depression to feed itself more but it got out of hand.”

Florence searched Isa’s eyes again for a look to know whether to continue. When Isa remained silent sighed and went on.

“I got overwhelmed thinking that I was only happy around you which wasn’t true. We were touring, you were going to be there whether I was happy or sad. I know now it’s good to tour with someone who you can go to at all hours to make you feel okay, I just felt like a burden for a while. I gave in and blew your phone up with texts and calls that wouldn’t even connect. I didn’t even think about what you were doing or that you were most likely in a club somewhere that didn’t have any signal. I just needed you and then that feeling developed into feeling stupid, shame and just a hint of regret.” She laughed non-committedly, trying to lighten it up. “I’d always avoided rooms with a balcony. My Gran played on my mind too much to risk that but that night when I was in despair it almost called out to me. I realised how fucking in love with you I was but at the time it then just made it all too much and…” Florence trailed off and then motioned with her hands the act of falling.

Isa looked down, shaking her head gently. She tried to hold it together not wanting to ruin the masterpiece of glitter.

“I was okay. A little bruised but when am I not?” She said, once again attempting to keep it a little lighter and trying to show she was at peace with everything that had happened that night.

“Florence, this isn’t bruised legs from climbing up trees. You tried to-” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

Flo put the small pot down and held both of Isa’s hands in hers.

“I know. I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She brought up Isa’s hand to kiss the back of it. “Really, I was okay though through some miracle. Hey,” she gently kissed Isa’s hand again, getting her to finally look at her. “I will never, ever do that again or anything equally as awful. The song meant the end of that needy kind of love that I’d been searching for and creating my entire life. It wasn’t all about you. It was the love I’d been trying to find in anyone and everyone. But, I want to start again.”

Isa thought for a moment. Did Florence’s text mean she wanted to go back to the beginning then?

“I pulled myself away from you when I made High as Hope. I needed to make sense of the early days to figure out what to do next. I just…I know I needed to and in some way I’m glad I did because I really love what I made but in a way I needed to go back to the beginning maybe so we could start again.”

Isa frowned. “Start again? Like, hi I’m Isabella Summers but my friends call me Isa, nice to meet you?” Isa hadn’t meant for her voice to sound quite so hurt.

“Iz-”

“No, Flo. I can accept the distance you put between us and I can completely understand and am totally behind you for figuring out what you needed to, but I don’t want to “start again”. Every memory with you are ones I don’t won’t to forget or pave over. Every moment made us into who we are. I can’t act like they don’t exist, that you aren’t the best thing to ever happen to me. After a while on tour I thought we were getting somewhere but it stayed the same. We’ve never even spoken about the others tours.”

Florence knew what she meant by the other tours; the touching, the kissing, the endless affection they poured over each other.

Isa calmed herself down, not wanting to argue on Flo’s birthday. They’d done well to come this far and she mentally cursed herself for being nearly forty and still struggling to keep conversations as conversations and not arguments. She squeezed Flo’s hands and looked back into her eyes.

“I just want us to be truthful about what we feel and when, no matter how awkward it could b-”

“I love you.” Florence cut her off. “I love you, I’ve always loved you and I always will. You’re my person, Isa. I get it, that was stupid. I don’t want to start again like that. I want to re-start our relationship.” Florence frowned at herself for a second. “Well, more like actually establish one this time? Like with words.”

They looked at each other before both erupting in giggles. Here there were well away from their teenage years and only just figuring out how not to act like one.

“What are you saying, Florence?” She asked, with a smile that said she already knew.

“I’m saying that I want you to be my person, like my actual person.”

“With real words, Flo?”

Florence felt momentarily sick. She knew Isa knew what was coming but there was always something terrifying about being so direct.

“Be my girlfriend.” She finally said with a wave of relief. “I want a relationship with you. A real one, not just unspoken touches in hotel rooms at night. I want to take it slow, like it was any other new relationship. I don’t want to rush into anything, I don’t want us to scare ourselves, and I don’t even need anyone else to know about it. I just want you and me.” They looked into each other’s eyes, smiles growing on both of their faces. She gestured her head to the mirror beside Isa. “You can look now.”

And Isa did. She should have known Flo would go for the Euphoria look and she loved it. She turned back to Florence.

“So can I kiss you now?” She asked. They both knew this was Isa’s way of saying yes and Florence gently nodded whilst leaning in.

It was slow and sweet. They kissed each other softly but with passion. Florence was struck by a thought she’d had before about how kissing Isa felt so natural. Isa gave her one final kiss before pulling her head back a little.

“You don’t want to be late.” She said, noticing how the clock on the wall behind her was getting dangerously close to when they had to leave.

Florence nodded and leaned in for her own final kiss. “Help me with my glitter, please?” She asked sweetly.

“Of course.”

She finished up the glitter and then stood back to appreciate how well it complimented Florence’s outfit; not that she should be surprised.

“Beautiful.” She said, admiring the masterpiece that was Florence.

She blushed and shushed her with a gentle kiss before standing up to take her hand and lead her downstairs.

Grace sent through the address of where she needed to go at 6pm on the dot and Florence smiled sharing it with Isa who got the directions up on her phone ready to drive.

“Don’t you want to get a ride? We’ll have to get one back if you wanted to drink.” She asked, getting the last of her bits together.

Isa shook her head. “Nah, I’m not gonna drink.”

“You don’t have to because of me.”

Isa shook her head again. “It’s not that. I just don’t really want to. I don’t feel like I need to.”

With that Florence gave her an understanding nod and reached out to squeeze her hand. “You ready?”

“What’s the protocol on affection tonight? I don’t want to steal your birthday thunder with the revelation that you’ve bagged a real keeper.” She joked.

Florence laughed. “I haven’t thought about it really. I guess, whatever feels natural? I don’t mind, I’m tired of overthinking everything between us. If you want to kiss me in front of everyone then kiss me, you know?”

Isa leaned in. “Okay.” She whispered, kissing her once more before grabbing her hand again. “Let’s go, we’ll be late.”

They intertwined their hands as they walked into the venue and Isa kept a gentle pressure knowing Florence was going to be feeling a little anxious at least. They walked into the room and were met by cheers of birthday greetings from Florence’s loved ones.

Florence blushed and beamed, bowing her head down out of sober shyness. Isa reached up on her tip toes to whisper happy birthday, and kissed her cheek gently.

“Go mingle.” She said, unlinking their hands and letting her focus attention on Grace who was headed towards her with arms out-stretched.

They circled the room, each without alcohol and reunited as everyone sat down to eat. They locked hands beneath the table; Florence squeezing particularly hard when not one but both of her parents stood up to make individual speeches. Florence and Isa were affectionate but nothing that anyone really batted an eye at. This was their safe space. It was their safe place to test the waters.

At one point they turned to faced each other smiling like lovesick teenagers for what must have been a prolonged amount of time. Their gaze was only broken by an oblivious friend asking Florence something from across the room. Florence felt smug, like they’d gotten away with no questions. Isa however had turned round and noticed Grace staring directly at her from across the table with a knowing grin. She winked and kicked Florence lightly under the table.

“What the f-”

Florence’s quiet protest was cut short when she turned to see Grace sitting opposite her and Isa, making some_ obscene_ gestures with her hands. What was worse was her gesturing to Florence and Isa in between the graphic signing.

“You raise your child with those hands?” Florence deadpanned.

Grace cracked up and luckily, it was all she had to say about the pair’s not-so-secret relationship.

No one else commented on the pair until it was time to start leaving.

Evelyne had enveloped Florence in a hug before Florence could even register that she was there.

“I hope you had a wonderful birthday, sweetheart.” She sang out, squeezing her eldest daughter tightly. “Come round for dinner next week.” She said, loosening her grip but still not letting go. She smiled, looking into her eyes. “I’m _so_ proud of you.” She kissed Flo’s cheek before turning to Isa.

“Bring it in.” She grinned, leaning ever so slightly to hold her in just as tight a hug. “Come on over for dinner next week too, Isa.” She said, before loosening her grip but not letting go as she had done with Florence. “It’s _so_ good to see you again.” She leant in for another hug and placed a kiss on her cheek before waving and walking out with a last “goodbye” over her shoulder.

“Bye then Mum.” Grace shouted after her, having been forgotten about after an undisclosed amount of wine. She turned round to face the pair and reached out her arms with a drunken, dopey grin.

“Come one, bring it on in.”

Florence and Isa both rolled their eyes but walked forwards to hug this ridiculous person they both loved dearly.

“I’ll see you at Mum’s next week.” Grace said. She let go of them still grinning smugly. “I want every detail.” And then she proceeded to continue to obscene hand gestures she’d been doing earlier that evening.

“I’ll get her home.” JJ said, grabbing her arm to lead her outside while she cackled with laughter. “Love you Flo.” He said, struggling to tame his older sister.

Isa turned to Florence with her eyebrow raised.

“Time to go home?” She asked, holding her hand out pre-emptively.

Florence smiled and nodded, taking it in hers and letting Isa lead the way.

They drove home chatting about gossip from the evening. Who was breaking up, getting together, all that jazz. After a while, it suddenly hit Florence.

“Thank you for not drinking tonight.” She said quietly.

Isa made that face she makes to tell Florence to stop being stupid.

“Ain’t no thanking to do.” She shrugged. “But if it helps you then I’m glad.” She smiled, squeezing Flo’s hand quickly between gear changes.

“Home.” She announced , after a moment. She cut off the engine and shot out before Florence. She opened the door for her and leaned in for a kiss once she was standing, using the curb to her advantage.

They moved seamlessly into Florence’s house, moving through it discarding various items and clothing until they both slid under the covers. Isa laid her head on Florence’s chest, sliding her arm over her waist snugly. Florence placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and held her tight.

“I hope you had a good birthday, Flo.” She said, placing a kiss on the bare skin beneath her.

Florence squeezed her back. “It was perfect.” She said.

Silence fell over the pair as they held each other, planting occasional small kisses wherever they could reach to.

“Thank you for giving me the best present.” Florence whispered after a while.

“Which one?” Isa replied, voice thick with sleepiness.

“You.” Florence turned to look at her before they both burst out laughing.

“Wow, that was pretty gay, Flo.” Isa laughed.

“I am pretty gay, Iz.”

They giggled some more before getting a hold of themselves and looking back into each other’s eyes. Isa reached her hand up to cup Florence’s cheek.

“I know it’s been hard but I’m happy we’ve both got to this point where we’re actually ready and able to do this properly. I’ve loved you for so long.”

“I’ve always been in love with you.” Florence quoted herself with a small chuckle. “I’m so happy you’re back; in London and my bed. Florrible and Misrabella forever.” She whispered, leaning to kiss Isa.

“Forever.” Isa whispered back between kisses.


End file.
